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Wonkado

cold & hard as hell
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summer

1 min read
i wrote a song for piano today & it's not beautiful but it's getting there
i'm on a composing kick; i've ordered a notebook full of sheet music, because when i try to write my own it's uneven
my sister had a friend over
(she was nicer than my sister)
my mother insists that sending me to church will restore my belief so i'm going to a two-week musical camp
when i pointed out that i can neither sing nor pray she told me i was going anyway
will somebody kidnap me
pleeeeeease
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everything

2 min read
sometimes i just get really upset at the world like i know i should be explaining or something but this is what i'm thinking about so this is what i'm writing about
(anyway i've forsaken the majority of punctuation)
but i just like
can't we all get along
i know it's a sentiment but i mean can't we all just live together and not care what somebody's orientation or gender or political affiliation or face color is
like
today in gym they were like "okay boys leave" and then a couple seconds they were like "now girls can go"
and i mean what if you don't identify on the binary gender system what if you're genderqueer or genderfluid or you don't have or want a gender
and i'm really glad i have three friends who care about stuff like this because before i didn't have anybody and i am so lonely sometimes but then i remember that there are at least three people who care about me and it's just
nice

i feel really different from three months ago
which is pretty weird because three months is only a quarter of a year and a quarter of a year is like one three hundred twentieth of your life
how much can you change in one three hundred twentieth of a life?
apparently enough
i am simultaneously so much lonelier and so much happier and everything is just
nice

today's been one of those depressing days where i feel really bad and i don't want to be here today is one of the lonely days
saturday was one of the happy days
(my uncle taught me archery)
i don't think i can fit all my thoughts in at once but i'm going to try and be here again
wow today is a really bad day
i love you all <3
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"we regret to inform you..."

good news doesn't follow. you need five words and the rest of that letter is completely pointless.

it's very sad when you spend seven months working towards something that, in the end, you get no credit for. seven months that mostly should have been appreciated for what they were instead of what they could be building towards.
it's still only seven months.
i can't say i've learned.

and you said, this is life this is life this is life this is life. and what good is a heart that can't be bruised?
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this is life

1 min read
i have new medicine. it tastes like mint leaves that have been riddled with chemicals. it's supposed to fix me.

you know when you close your eyes? and you see these colors behind them like light shows for you only, green and purple and red under sunlight. and yellow that runs in lines like sparklers.
the red under the sunlight, that's what it feels like, but it's like if you mixed it with orange and left it so that it got scratched and raw and painful.
that's how i feel.

but mint leaves and honey will make me better.

you won't believe me, if i say you've been outdone. and that a new way to love is just a new way to hurt someone. music.thejaneaustenargument.ne…
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the siren song

1 min read
there is a ship
its sails were like two hearts beating, and
its pace was like two wrists pulsing…
to a compass that fell silent
at the sound of song


i don't know where i would be without all the people i've never met. they've fixed me in ways they'll never know. and i'm still broken in ways only they'll understand.

and sometimes it sailed by the wind
sometimes it sailed by the stars
sometimes it sailed by the captain's map
but it always sailed her into his arms
again
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Featured

summer by Wonkado, journal

everything by Wonkado, journal

final admissions by Wonkado, journal

this is life by Wonkado, journal

the siren song by Wonkado, journal